sustain:if:able kiwi

lets meet

lets gather beforehand 6:45 pm at Metro

God is merciful
but I do need to be slightly better organised.

This should start by finding my diary. I lost it over a month ago. It is a wierd feeling, slightly reckless, slightly helpless to try and run my life without a diary.

the coolest thing

Dear Steve,
Your text will be published in the book about Sieger Köders life and works.
The book will be published on the German speaking market. We will send you
one copy in July/August.

I have no idea how I’m going to find the time to write this piece but this is like the coolest thing, being asked to input into a different culture about an artist who has shaped me theologically.

loss of punctuation

there were 230 people at church on Sunday weve gained about 60-80 people in a year the church really needs another staff person now in the last 24 hours I’ve had emails accepting an article I’ve written for a US magazine, final drafts for me to check of a denominational newspaper interview, a publishing company seeking a book endorsement, a letter from Germany asking me to contribute to a “festchrift” for a German artist these are all so cool but there’s only one of me oh, did I forget to mention this is Easter week, with daily services and the Easter Journey underway at Opawa?

Note: the loss of punctuation was a deliberate move to indicate the inner-state of my head.

What does it mean for me to smell perfume and love Jesus today?

Grey
comes in soft cotton waves
and sharp email

Show me your fruit? the choir man asks
Measure for measure

Cats pat
adequacy, and his leading twin
in
from personal paw to personal palm

Who am I?
Single spark in turgid grey

The shoes of the liberator
are ill-fit

Text is black. Margins are white and wide
Context is sharp, Edged
And never the twain shall meet

Problem
Yours, mine, ours, hers
And with a gently smile
we play,
naked

Sorta nice

One of my recent poems is featured on theooze. I’ve never considered myself any sort of poet.

out of sync

Warning: real honest blog post: Most of us have deeper needs that shape our movement in, and into, ministry. It can be the need to help or the need to explain. Such needs are neutral, but remain open to a warping into good or evil. So the need to help can lead to burnout, while the need to explain can lead to poor listening.

My need is to prove myself, to take up every challenge thrown at me. It was a huge insight to discover this in seminary. And as a flow on, to realise that every challenge sent my way need not be responded to. In response to my need, I have often returned to Luke 1 and 2, the sheer unexpected gift of God’s encounter, which stands against my need to respond, to justify, to explain. (Those who know me well, will want to comment that I am still in process on this issue).

But it means that when someone from outside my headspace asks me to prove myself, or my ministry, they are syncing with some pretty big personal and formational needs and desires. My reluctance to provide measures of fruit for the emerging church could be construed as avoidance. For me, it is about an awareness of what drives me, and a desire to be increasingly thoughtful about what issues I need to prove.

This does not mean I will remain silent, but it is an honest reflection on who I am at this moment in my life.

International traveller

relationality
ripped adrift
brain slurred and tired

self stays and self goes
where is earth? who is person?

blog link
clicks to human

ethnocentricity enorbed
mine
yours
ours

slow bass beat, as
rhythm, of
God, self, other

in accented space

jet lagged among the emerging church

The first (and last) time I spoke in the US, I was heading up a flight of stairs to a seminar room. I was tired. I was jet lagged. I was withdrawn.

This young emergent guy was walking behind me. He began “paying me out,” muttering under his breath, just loud enough for me to hear – hurry up, haven’t got all day – come on.

I suddenly realised,in my tired funk, he was talking to me. I turned to look at him and the young emergent, cast me a disdainful look and surged past, beret cool. It is a memory I still carry with me, that awareness of being fragile, alone and an outsider in a very different space.

Centres and margins

Last year I began in ministry at Opawa Baptist Church. Called as change agent, it was in many ways a surprising move, both for me and for the church. It was a very stretching, but a hugely exciting year.

Looking back, it felt like some sort of move from margin to centre. (Not totally, but that is for another post). My first 9 years of ministry were planting an emerging church. It was lonely. There were very few models. I was often treated with suspicion by other church leaders. I felt on the margins. It was hard. But it was fantastic. I learnt so much. So much of what God has blessed in my new context has been ministry patterns, ministry ideas, forged on the margins.

Ironically, I wonder if my move from margin to some sort of centre is a moving in the opposite direction to the church in wider society. While I move from margin to centre, the church generally is moving from centre to margin. Church in the West is in decline.

And now, suddenly, I find myself at some sort of the centre. After 25 years of decline, the place where I minister has found new life. New faces, new gifts, new worship. And at this centre I get love. Lots of love. There is something hypnotic about speaking to lots of people. To seeing a place grow, to be part of energy and momentum, is a wonderful thing.

It would be very easy to settle for the drug of the centre. To imbibe the love. Yet all my instincts tell me the margin is the place of creativity. A theology of exile finds God in the wasteland. And my call to this place was as a change agent. It was to lead this group from attraction to mission. It was to clear space for the margins, to tend new life among the dispossessed in the wasteland.

I wonder if accepting a changing culture, accepting the marginality of the church, is hardest for pastors of growing, attractional churches. How to hear the margins when one stands at what seems a centre?

At the centre is where I am called to be for this season. So are their disciplines of marginality that need to be practised by those at the centre?

out of bounds bach

We have spent the last week sanding and painting our new bach. My sister-in-law arrived to describe it as “the ends of the earth.” An out of bounds bach, a place of peace and retreat.

We also brought it as a place for me to write. And these views are sort of inspirational aren’t they?

To see first the view from the bedroom window and second, the view out of the lounge window (both over 25K).

(more…)

life to the full

Christmas in the Northern Hemisphere comes wrapped in winter and (hopefully) covered with snow. It’s short days and long nights.

It’s the opposite in the Southern Hemisphere, where Christmas comes wrapped with summer and (hopefully) covered with sunblock. It’s long days and short nights.

I am now away on holiday. I have been wondering this week what happens to the Christ of Christmas as I leave for the beach and bach.

Then I reflected on the image of Christ in Hebrews 4 as the giver of Sabbath Rest. This makes the Christ of Christmas, the Emmanuel God-with-us, as the giver of rest and relaxation. This suggests that my summer relaxation and refreshment is a continued celebration of Christ as the Christmas gift. It’s a participation in the life of Christ, who comes that we might have life, and have it to the full (John 10:10).

That’s my summer prayer for me and all my blog readers;
Enjoy the Christmas gift,
rest with Christ,
Giver of life to the full.

two kayaks

As a family we have just brought 2 kayaks ready for summer holidays. This is good. When I get very busy, I tend to zone out of my family. I am physically present but mentally absent.

My advent task has been to seek to be present mentally, to listen at meal times, to stay focused on family, to craft time to do Christmas things together.

This is good. But expensive. Two kayaks!!

advent spirituality: prepare ye the way

Advent is a time to prepare ourselves for the coming of the Lord in our lives. The questions below (which I picked up from somewhere in my travels but can’t remember where and would be glad to track down the source) can help our inward preparation. They can be used during Advent, or perhaps over the holidays, as we start to focus on another year.

Am I content with who I am becoming?
Do my family and friends recognize the authenticity of my Christian spirituality?
Am I generous?
Do I have a quiet centre to my life?
Have I defined my unique ministry?
Is my prayer life improving?
Have I maintained a genuine awe of God?
Is my lifestyle distinctive?
Is my “spiritual feeding” the right diet for me?
Is obedience in small matters built into my reflexes?
Is there enough celebration in my life?

Yours in Advent preparation