sustain:if:able kiwi

easter atonement theologies

thursday
is for friends,
honestly. OK, honestly betraying, honestly bad praying, honestly
take, eat,
this is my body
(atonement in community)

friday,
is for Passover,
liberation rescues us
crossing seascape, crossing sandscape
Kingdom coming
(atonement as liberator)

saturday
is for pain,
honestly. In, Darfur and in child abuse, God why have you
abandoned me, him, them
gone God
while innocents die
(atonement as crucified God)

let him who has no sin cast the first stone

a tear ran down my cheek last week. it was a tear that developed from a splinter that I found in my own eye.

(If you want to make this poem your own, feel free to add your initials or your response in the comments).

is is worth it?

every now and again, when I am dog tired in an aeroplane flying home from a speaking gig I wonder if it is worth it. An email today indicated, well ….

yes.

The course I did last year with Steve – “Missional Church Leadership,” enabled me to ‘envision’ Nyte lyfe [a new multi-ethnic evening service called Nyte Lyfe where we are aiming to provide a safe place [in the poorest community in our city] for the growing amount of people who are gathering on the borders of the church to engage with God] and so now we are just entering the ‘engaging’ stage – the first service is this Sunday (please feel free to pray for this if so led)

processing grief

(Some details blurred to ensure anonymity) I don’t normally have deep plane conversations. Yesterday was different. As I flew back from Auckland to Christchurch we started talking.

He was returning to New Zealand, to the house where his wife had died 2 decades ago. It was the day of a significant birthday. Party preparation was in full swing until the phone call came. Death by coronary.

And his world fell apart. For years he had travelled the world, stuck in his grief. Today he was returning. It was time to pack up the house and move on. It was time to live again. And so we talked: of grief and pain and death and God, of life and journey and the power of listening.

It was a sacred hour and I longed to mark it in some way. It’s difficult to mark sacramentality in an aeroplane.

So I mark this blog entry in respect for all who grieve: new acquaintances who are rebuilding lives, good friends who are watching a mother being consumed by cancer, my pain over the demise of a project I invested 9 years of my life into, the parishioner who today will lose their arm in surgery, the failing health of loved parents.

What rituals have you found to mark and process your grief?

If you want to share respect or name your processes of grief, feel free to leave your initials, or the initials of those you are grieving with.

welcome to my spot

It was my 40th birthday on Friday nite. I wanted to cook food for my friends. I wanted it to be at “my spot”, which is the rundown rumpty old holiday house/bach were I go to hibernate. I wanted to invite the people who have invested and given my life meaning. I wanted to have a storytelling, of life lived.

It was a fairly major logistical exercise: our holiday house is not equipped for 2 guests, let alone 40. The kitchen is too small (think no stove and no bench space. The toilet is compostable (think overflow issues). So the logistical exercise included outdoor barbeque, all salads pre-prepared at home and driven out, all guests invited to bring their own outdoor chair, but port-a-loo toilet provided.

And what a night. Flounder grilled on barbeque. Vegetables grilled with rosemary. Marinade meat for the non-vegetarians. 45 adults and 15 kids. Black Seeds great new album in the background. Standing outdoors with the huge horizons of Lake Ellesmere. Kids racing around. Storytelling from birth, through my early work days in Roxburgh, via training to be a pastor, Auckland life and now to Opawa. Laughter. Honesty. Cake. I thank God for the richness of my life and relationships.

you rang?

The phone went at 1 am this morning. When you’re a minister and the phone goes in the middle of the night, the heart tends to race. Car accident? Death bed emergency?

In a deep sleep, I jumped out of bed. Confused, I opened the door. Unfortunately it was the wardrobe. Difficult to get into and certainly no phone in there.

I found the proper door and just as I got to the phone, it stopped.

Perhaps they would try my cell phone. A frantic search found it, but no call.

By now my wife was by my side. “Our phone can track missed calls,” she said. So I rang the missed call.

“Hi, your phone has just rung this phone and I’m returning the missed call,” I said sleepily.

“Are you Kentucky Fried Chicken,” a voice that I did not recognise said.

“No,” I replied, “I’m not Kentucky Fried Chicken”

“Oh, sorry, I must have phoned the wrong number.”

Slowly I trudged back to bed. No parishioner injured in a car accident after all. No death side pastoral visit needed. Simply a midnight soul searching for a greasy takeway.

enjoying today

the album by Matt Shepherd. Matt is a Kiwi, and the album includes the lovely vocals of other friends I’ve met along my life journey, including Mark Barnard and Raylene Bradfield and it’s nice to have them in my room today. Titled Still small voice, it is a fusion of electronica and ambient, that works well as a soundscape, both for corporate worship and for individual pleasure.

dub and Christian worship (again)

one of my christmas presents was tickets to Salmonella Dub and New Zealand Symphony Orchestra and we went on friday night. a very rich night.

i was struck by the mix of crowd. definitely not a normal dub crowd i thought, as i noted the grey hair and more conservative dress style. but it worked. as i sat and listened to violins mixed with bass beats, traditional Maori instruments mixed with electonica, i thought of Opawa on Sunday morning. why can’t we mix classical music with dub?

back in 2006 I wrote a post, bemoaning the lack of dub music in Christian worship. that heart ache remains. dub is my natural voice. i long to love God “in my own language” (to use the words from Acts 2, the crowds experience of Pentecost).

walk on into 2008

Just back from a wonderful 12 days holiday: beach time, family time, exploring New Zealand time, reading time, reflecting time. While I don’t do New Years resolutions, walk on is a theme that has emerged from one of the lectionary readings I pondered while on holiday: Philipians 3:1-14. So I wrote this in my personal journal today.

“Walk on and away from some of the hard place relationships of 2007. Walk on and away from a focus on doing and toward my being in Christ. Walk on “by means of the Spirit” (Philippians 3:3), trusting in God to be in the midst of my gaps and where there is distance in the cracks of life. Walk on building on all the good at Opawa Baptist. Walk on pushing the envelope, taking risks, seeking to offer innovative leadership in all the spheres of my life.”

my dad the mystic

I’m really proud of my Dad. I asked you to pray a few weeks ago because my dad, who has multiple sclerosis, fell on New years eve and broken his hip. He was operated on for a hip replacement and is making a good recovery. People at Opawa have just been tremendous, so many in the church have visited the hospital.

Dad has made a good progress, aided by the fact that, in consultation with the occupational therapy staff, they made the decision that they would not try to get him walking again. Over the last year he has been increasingly unstable on his legs and the decision was greeted with relief. So Dad came home yesterday and I took lunch around for him and mum.

As I left Dad told me that he prayed for me every day. “I can’t walk, but at least I can still pray” he said.

I hope I age as spiritually and as generously as my dad.

life’s a beach?

With summer, comes the beach. Which got me thinking about Jesus and beaches. What did Jesus do at the beach? What would Jesus say if he met you at a beach this summer? Which lead to a summer Sunday church series.

With a postcard (each an image from Jewish beach)

and a poem:
Waves slap
Sparkle on shore as disciples work, Called
to follow (Luke 5:1-11, January 6)

Rocks tattoo
Surge, dropping debris to shore, Admission
to peace and prayer. (Acts 27:33-28:10, January 27)

boxing day tears

Snowy, our family rabbit died on Boxing Day. Never thought I would cry for a rabbit, but he was beautiful, placid and a great friend for the family. We buried him in the rain and I watched our children process grief in very different ways.

2007 Christmas benediction

Rejoice, for God’s Light has come for the whole world. Go now, bringing the joy of God’s love with you to all that you meet. Go in peace and may God’s glorious peace always go with you.

balancing life at the end of 2007

Two serious questions Steve. How do you do manage such a hectic schedule (i.e. family, church, teaching, own time etc)? Secondly, Why do you do it?? A comment made by Mark in relation to this post.

First a story. I moved to Christchurch at the start of 2004, to be senior/change agent pastor at Opawa Baptist 3 days/week and Lecturer in Practical Theology at Bible College of New Zealand 2 days/week. We were just about done with my 3rd interview with the Opawa Call Committee, when a Baptist Union consultant, who had walked the church through the Call process, said he had two questions.

The first was for me: Was I just using Opawa Baptist as a stepping stone to an academic career? The second was for Opawa: Steve Taylor had some competencies around emerging church. So would they share him? Those questions provide a frame for my current stage of life: grounded in the local church, yet shared.

This year I have had 21 speaking engagements outside Christchurch (on top of regular preaching amid a 5 congregational model and lecturing at BCNZ). That’s one speaking engagement a fortnight, and includes academic papers, preaching, coaching, conference and keynote speaking. So to the question – why do I do it? Firstly because I’m asked. It doesn’t mean I say yes to everything. I often ask questions to clarify audience and expectations and check it is in my “zone” – church and mission (I made one wrong call this year). Second because it’s good for the local church. It sends constant signals to Opawa that they exist with a Kingdom view, not only for their own sake, but for the sake of the world. I’m also committed to team, and that I think that needs to be modelled by both absence as well as presence. Thirdly because most times I learn and am enriched. Fourthly, because feedback seems to suggest that it is useful. I gauge that feedback in a number of ways – feel in the room, questions asked, talks over coffee, thankyou letters.

So how do you do manage such a hectic schedule? Firstly, all invites get passed by my wife and she helps me decide. Secondly, I work for BCNZ Wednesday and Thursday, and Opawa Tuesday and Friday and somehow that division of days gives me a framework to juggle invites and map out my schedule. Thirdly, Monday is day off and I very, very rarely, do anything on that day. Fourthly, I use the time in the air to journal and think. Last week on the way to Auckland I got my preaching plan for the first half of 2008 nailed. There is something about being uninterrupted at 30,000 feet which I find incredibly helpful. Fifthly, when I’m present, I try to be fully present. (And the flipside, when I’m gone, I’m gone). I try to practise Incarnation, to be fully looking for God among whoever I am with, be it in a church or a lecture room or a speaking place. Sixthly, I treat myself and the family. Most groups pay something and that goes toward a family book buying session at Borders, a CD, a painting, a dinner out etc – stuff that will enrich me for what has been given out. I talk lots with my kids about what I do and why. I pass on feedback to them. At times I have said no to things based on their input. Seventhly, I moved into this season having completed a PhD. The bibliography named near 550 books I had “read.” So part of this season of my life includes drawing down and integrating that type of input. That’s simply a seasonal thing. I am due for a sabbatical in second half of next year and that will be a micro-season in which I get to fill up some wells left a bit neglected, for example writing wells and reading wells.

Can I sustain this? Do I want to sustain this? I don’t know. Perhaps not long term. Essentially I have 3 roles: pastor, lecturer, speaker/thinker/writer. At some time down the track one of these might go. In the meantime, it is a very fertile mix. I am a better pastor because I think (as lecturer) and reflect (by being asked to speak), a better lecturer because I pastor and speak, a better speaker because I am grounded in a congregation. It’s a pretty unique mix. Even in missional circles, most books are not written by current practitioners. So I am keen to hold the mix as long as possible.

Hope that helps Mark.